Apologizing could be a bit catchy for me. While I proud of myself on being somebody who is capable of looking within, take responsibility, and conclude battles directly – I as well know that my possess arrogance and insecurity cause me to stubbornly refuse to apologize some of the times or, much more damaging, across apologise, which can let in apologizing for who I am.
Being capable to take duty for our affect on other people, admit and own our errors and defects, and restore trust and connection with the people close to us are all important aspects of living an accomplished life and creating healthy relationships.
Even so, many of us devaluate, contempt, and do harm to ourselves and those around us, by apologising for who we are in a shame-based way – which generally comes by a place of shame (feeling as if we’re not good enough or there’s something inherently wrong with us).
Apologizing genuinely is about accepting responsibility for our actions, our affect, or our answers, as an adult. This is addressed compunction – wishing we had not done or said something, and taking actions to address and amend the situation inside ourselves, with other people, or both.
Apologizing for who we are is very much about us thinking or saying some adaptation of, “I’m bad, it’s my fault, or do not hate me,” like we are a baby looking for establishment or approval. This is a particular example of how shame comes on in our lives. And, regardless how much we might “apologise,” when it comes from this insatiate, shame-based place, we are never capable of shaking the feeling of something being wrong with who we are.
The more we acknowledge that we are apologising for who we are, the more chance we have to look abstruser – acknowledge, experience, and carry our shame, and in the process begin to heal ourselves in a genuine way.
While we all have “issues,” “blemishes,” and “challenges” in life – at the abstrusest level, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of us. Most of us, myself included, spend and waste way too much time adjudicating, criticising, and being mean to ourselves.
Treating ourselves in that decisive way never works – it does not help us convert to better people, it does not give us accession to more passion, power, or talent, it does not make us less committed to those around us who we would like to support – it simply keeps us stuck in a negative story about who we believe we are and what we believe needs to be “fixed” about us so we can then live the life we truly would like to live.
What if we blocked off doing this to ourselves, stopped apologising for who we are, and began honoring, appreciating, and loving ourselves in an reliable way?